LGBTTQQAAM (What’s the ‘M’ Stand for?)
Minneapolis, MN, June 2013
In the ever evolving and lengthening chain of
LGBTTQQAA* queer social DNA strands, it
is perhaps time to add a new and relatively surprising letter.
Anyone who has frequented gay bars on a
regular basis over the last 6-months has noticed a surprising new trend –
straight, non-homosexual, single, and often, HOT, HOT, HOT ex-military men and
women.
It seems the hottest and newest addition to
the queer community is ‘M’ for military.
Less than two years ago, was still under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT), a policy
that theoretically kept the US military out of the private lives of gay and
lesbian service members, AS LONG AS
those service members kept their private lives out of the US military. On 20 Sept, 2011, President Obama ended DADT.
BUT
who would have dared think that the end of DADT would open gay and lesbian bars
on the home front to an invasion by straight or heterosexual service
members?
Speaking to some in the ‘M’ community at bars
as diverse as Charlies and Cell Block in Chicago and Town House and 19 in
Minnesota, one comes to understand the natural attraction of the gay bar for
returning soldiers.
Primarily, it seems that many heterosexual
returning soldiers seek out gay bars for the same reasons gays do… well, not to
cruise and score on members of the same-sex, but rather for the sanctuary and
adult atmosphere the gay bars provide.
Many soldiers left home no more than kids,
but after one or even a few postings overseas, they have returned us as adults,
and many of them as single adults. The
aforementioned list of bars has one commonality – these gay bars tend to be
gathering places for a community of single adults who just want a cold beer,
some interesting conversation, perhaps a sports game on tv… and a place to be.
Oh many times, I am sure, the ‘M’ crowd is to
be found at the local hetero-cruising grounds… but sometimes, it seems, they
too want to get away from the cruising, drinking games and mass partying,
searching out more of a local ‘social club’ atmosphere.
Many in the ‘M’ community are returning from
overseas as adults… much older than the college frat boys and girls who
populate the singles bar scene in most large cities. Sometimes, it seems, a common age, outlook
and singleness, are more important for making friends and feeling free to just
hang out with people, than is a common gender identity.
And if you haven’t notice, most gay bars are
still much more diverse than are many heterosexual hangouts.
Some would care to disagree, but the gay bar
scene has been much more adaptable to including the diversity of the gay
experience – in all of its colors and forms, more closely approximately the
make-up, social scene and expectations of the ‘M’ for military community.
Finally, the community-oriented bars, while
only one type of gay bar, tend to have a mixture of economic backgrounds and
pocketbooks. Generally, there are nights
where drinks are more expensive, and nights that cater to the “industry” crowd
or those willing to come in on an off night for a good deal on PBR, Miller
Light or well vodka.
Despite protections and government
assistance, the returning ‘M’ community has often faced huge challenges finding
jobs, housing and affordable entertainment.
Homelessness amongst the ‘M’ group has been an eye-opener.
While the rest of society seems to ignore the
plight of our returning vets… these are common issues in the LGBTTQQAAM
community, issues to which we have often developed our own solutions, networks
and means of working around. It seems
that many in the ‘M’ community are happy to join our networks, friendships and
bar groups in exchange for access to these networks, solutions and resources. As for us, what more could we offer to these
courageous men and women?
On a far darker note… is a special subcomponent of the ‘M’ community that has much more in common with the LGBTTQQAAM-scene. Many in the ‘M’ community have experiences, injuries, issues and traumas that can often seemingly separate them from the larger, normalized, “STRAIGHT” community – Issues and characteristics that can cause them to be shunned, feared or even cast out by former family members, friends, churches and social circles.
Our soldiers are returning from the
battlefronts in Kuwait, Iraq and Afghanistan with some disturbing
statistics. Up to 80% of returning
soldiers may be suffering from or will exhibit signs of Post-Traumatic Stress
Syndrom (PTSD). 20% return with PTSD and
chronic depression. 19% suffer from some
sort of Traumatic Brain Injury. 39% or
returning military personnel engage in alcohol abuse and 3% admit to
drug abuse issues.
Literature indicates that only 50% of those
suffering from PTSD will seek out treatment, and of those, only 50% will
receive adequate treatment.
I am not saying that being gay or lesbian
equals PTSD – but I do know that the gay community does share issues with
depression, alcoholism and drug abuse.
Nor can we ignore one other statistic we
share in common with the ‘M’ community… higher than average rates of suicide in
the community. Again, studies indicate
that serving in the military doubles your risk for suicide attempts. More soldiers are now dying of suicide than
battle. In 2013, it is estimated that 22
service veterans commit suicide EVERY DAY.
Suicide and depression remain major concerns
for LGBTQ youth and adults. Some
estimate that half of the gay population has or will consider suicide and note
on-going depression as a common characteristic within the community.
My hopeful observation is that the LGBTQ
community has long dealt with problems of depression, substance abuse, suicide
awareness and other “social ills”, and that we have dealt with them by building
and establishing a community of mutual support and protection around those at
risk… including each of us, ourselves.
If the long term gift of the LGBTQ community
to larger society is our ability to accept, assist and welcome returning vets
from overseas into our bars, communities and friendships, it is the least we
can do. It does not matter if this is
just for a drink and companionship while catching the Twins or Blackhawks on
tv, or for more substantial friendship and assistance… we should be proud that
members of the ‘M’ community have searched us out and found for themselves a
niche in which they feel safe, comfortable and accepted.
As we celebrate PRIDE across the nation and
the military and political independence of Canada (Canada Day, 01 July) and the
USA, (Independence Day, 04 July), let’s do our friends in the straight ‘M’
community and make room for them in our bars, friendships and
celebrations. It’s the least we can do.
And note:
while the majority of ‘M’ persons are well aware as to where they are
drinking and that we are a gay community… let’s also respect them and whatever
“sexuality” or none sexuality they choose to present to us. Freedom cuts both ways. Be inclusive and be respectful… and we will
gain allies and friends for life.
btw, in case you are wondering... Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Transsexual, Queer, Questioning, Ally, Asexual, Military ; )
Stats and
information taken from:
2010 Study by Congressional Research Service
www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_among_LGBT_youth
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