Placing the 'M' in LGBTTQQAAM

LGBTTQQAAM (What’s the ‘M’ Stand for?)

Minneapolis, MN, June 2013

  In the ever evolving and lengthening chain of LGBTTQQAA*  queer social DNA strands, it is perhaps time to add a new and relatively surprising letter. 

  Anyone who has frequented gay bars on a regular basis over the last 6-months has noticed a surprising new trend – straight, non-homosexual, single, and often, HOT, HOT, HOT ex-military men and women.

  It seems the hottest and newest addition to the queer community is ‘M’ for military.

  Less than two years ago, was still under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT), a policy that theoretically kept the US military out of the private lives of gay and lesbian service members, AS LONG AS those service members kept their private lives out of the US military.  On 20 Sept, 2011, President Obama ended DADT.

  BUT who would have dared think that the end of DADT would open gay and lesbian bars on the home front to an invasion by straight or heterosexual service members? 

  Speaking to some in the ‘M’ community at bars as diverse as Charlies and Cell Block in Chicago and Town House and 19 in Minnesota, one comes to understand the natural attraction of the gay bar for returning soldiers.

  Primarily, it seems that many heterosexual returning soldiers seek out gay bars for the same reasons gays do… well, not to cruise and score on members of the same-sex, but rather for the sanctuary and adult atmosphere the gay bars provide. 

  Many soldiers left home no more than kids, but after one or even a few postings overseas, they have returned us as adults, and many of them as single adults.  The aforementioned list of bars has one commonality – these gay bars tend to be gathering places for a community of single adults who just want a cold beer, some interesting conversation, perhaps a sports game on tv… and a place to be.

  Oh many times, I am sure, the ‘M’ crowd is to be found at the local hetero-cruising grounds… but sometimes, it seems, they too want to get away from the cruising, drinking games and mass partying, searching out more of a local ‘social club’ atmosphere.

  Many in the ‘M’ community are returning from overseas as adults… much older than the college frat boys and girls who populate the singles bar scene in most large cities.  Sometimes, it seems, a common age, outlook and singleness, are more important for making friends and feeling free to just hang out with people, than is a common gender identity.

  And if you haven’t notice, most gay bars are still much more diverse than are many heterosexual hangouts.

LGBTQ Martyrs

Update 06 June 2013 (former addendum to A Tale of Two States)

  I am not sure of the date of this current Facebook meme (04 June, 2013), but it represents an additional illustration of the great lack of understanding of the basic issue:

The short answer is .... YES!  (someone else please sit down with Monique and explain to the Illinois legislator who these women and men and boys and girls are -- she's not going to take the time on her own -- their stories contradict her prejudice -- is my frustration starting to show?)  

Hint:  Each of the persons below is now dead for being or being perceived as homosexual.

 

 

The Fight for Marriage, and Marriage Equality

A Tale of Two States

    Coming back to roost from a season of volunteerism for pro-same-sex marriage campaigns, I honestly thought I would be writing a very different column.  The greater struggle for marriage and equality should have been in Minnesota, not in Illinois.  After all, Minnesota had Michelle Bachmann and a large Tea Party Caucus with which to contend.

    What happened?

    I propose that there are three key differences between the Minnesota experience and that in Illinois.  Minnesota did not have prior “civil unions” on which to fall back, Minnesota’s pro-same-sex marriage coalition was broad and deep, and Minnesota’s LGBTQ community is not irrevocably tied to the Democratic Party (DFL).  In fact, Libertarians and Independents formed a significant block of pro-same-sex marriage supporters in Minnesota.

    Last fall, on-line interactions between bloggist Will Kohler and IL State Representative Rita Mayfield indicate key differences between Illinois’ challenge and Minnesota’s movement from struggling to defeat an anti-gay amendment to passing full marriage equality.  Mayfield’s now famous comment is… “A civil union between two men or two women is supposed to be fundamentally the same as a civil union between a man and a women[sic]. What am I missing?”

IL Rep Rita Mayfield (D)

    Mayfield seemingly felt that gays and lesbians already had it all.  She was barraged by religious lobbyists while according to her comments, no one from her district had yet bothered to sit down with her to discuss how the differences between same-sex unions and marriage-equality impact their personal lives as her constituents. 

    In Minnesota, I watched the floor debate in Sen Jim Carlson’s office with a couple, Jim and Steve, who had personally taken the time to confront Carlson with the issue and to educate him with the real-life consequences of not being able to marry to his constituents.  Carlson admits that they changed his mind.

    To many outside of the LGBTQ community, civil unions for gays seem like a huge “gift” to a new-fangled and still too-little understood minority group. 

Takeover of the Gnomes?

Indian Balsam (c) Ray Woods

It is the end of the world as we know it - it can only foretell the extinction of all taste and (superior) discrimination vis-a-vis gardens.  Alas, England's 100th annual Chelsea Flower Show, THE premier decorative botanical exhibit in the world has allowed ... garden gnomes in.  And not just one or two.  Oodles - decorated by celebs.  The NY Times was so surprised they gave the little twerps a major front page story.  And not only the Times - the Chicago Trib reports you can buy gnome garden furniture (not for them;  for you!)  Cutesy-pie little tables made from bent-over little men and the like.  Oh, the horror!  (Do not send me e-mails or texts or tweets saying they're in your garden.  I.  don't.  want.  to.  know!)

Here's this column's rant:  unfinished parkways.  Folks, if you're going to put something in your parkway, fine.  Just don't leave it hanging.  Three hostas and just dirt; or one small patch of groundcover and a geranium;  or 10 impatiens (you'll be sorry - they're sick) and 10 square yards of red mulch.  Good God Gertie - if you haven't the time to do it right put in some spreaders - old-fashioned daylilies, false lamia, fallopia, petasites. Almost anything, just not half done.  As an example of the correct, tho' extreme, way to do it - I delivered some of my Indian Balsam babies (immigrant impatiens not suject to mildew) to a friend who lives in the enclave called "The Villa" on Chicago's north side.  Coincidentally The Villa which consists of bungalows and Arts and Crafts houses was having an all-neighborhood garage sale.  Trooping thru (and picking up some copper-coated metal planters - 4 bucks - from which I'll scrape the interior rust & paint with spar varnish) I got to check out gardens.  There were some doozies but people told me to check out the parkway at Harding and Avondale.  The street runs along a wooded berm (the Kennedy) on one side.  For half a block on the other side, a gentleman - no one knew his name -has planted his parkway and adjacent yard like The Forest Primeval.  People said it was magical and it was - two steps in and you were no longer in Chicago but a long pathway from "Green Mansions."  That was a pathway done right!

I've been dipping into Page Dickey's book, "Embroidered Ground."  Altho' she is apparantly rich and has lots more ground than any of us she is no snob.  The book about the gardens of her home in up-state New York is a good resource for checking out growth habits (flowering, shade tolerance, height, etc.) of many shrubs and trees:  viburnums, daphnes, fothergilla, dogwoods and many others.  If it'll grow there it'll grow here in Chicago.

Did your tulips and daffs last longer than usual?  This very cold spring was like a flower cooler at a florist.  It'll be interesting to see what happens this summer.  Some of my Indian Balsam are big enough to bloom now but they don't usually do it till July.

If you're into really big plants there's a new reality show about Pete Nelson who builds tree houses for grownups.  The houses and the trees they're in are magnificent.  The show "Tree House Men" will be on Animal Planet.

This month's recipe is totally politically incorrect, full of things you've been told it was declasse to consume.  It was given to me by a friend, Eileen Curry, Aka "Bunny" who was a famous Chicago madam.  I realized years later this particular salad was a Depression concoction:

      Peas and Cheese Salad

      Ingredients:  head of iceberg lettuce, large can of peas, a couple of green onions, several stalks of

      celery, bag of cubed cheddar cheese, cup of (real) mayonnaise, salt and pepper.

      To do:  drain peas, rip lettuce into small chunks, coarsely chop onions and celery.  Toss these things

      with the cheese, mayonnaise and salt and pepper.

Hold the presses - this just in:  The origin of garden gnomes, says the NY Times is extremely odd.  In the 18th century during the Romantic era (of gardens and architecture besides music) rich aristocrats with large estates would have small picturesque huts built and hire real live geezers to be their resident hermit for local color, don'cha know.  When the hermits got uppity and charged too much for the local gentry they were replaced by little bearded statues which morphed after a bit into garden gnomes.  (However, just because they have an aristocratic background doesn't mean they're in good taste!)